In honor of Valentine's day (I know, it was last week. But still), I thought it might be appropriate to share a few words about what it was like to serve in the Peace Corps as a married couple. Before we left, as I've mentioned before, I poured over blogs of other volunteers to get advice and recommendations. I googled the phrase "married couple peace corps blog" more times than I can count, and I enjoyed reading about what other couples were up to, what they were learning, and what was tough. Before we departed for Morocco, we also met with two different married couples in our town that had served years before. Their advice was invaluable. So, without further delay, here's my two cents on the experience. These are my opinions only, and they don't reflect the approximately 10% of all Peace Corps volunteers that are married.
Service in the Peace Corps as a married couple is amazing because:
1. Your best friend is with you. Here you are, in a new country where everything is foreign and strange and exciting, and you get to have your very favorite person in the whole world there by your side. And even though we couldn't hold hands in public, it was nice to know that I had a hand to hold.
2. You have a built in support system. There are days in the Peace Corps when you don't really feel like leaving the house. It's nice when you have a partner who can run out and fetch milk. There are days when communicating with your host mom is more difficult than usual, and it's a gift to have a partner who can step in and try to help you say what you need to say. Those days when diarrhea is never-ending? Many thanks for a partner who can make homemade applesauce, per the BRAT diet.
3. There is always someone around you who speaks English. This is incredibly helpful when you are trying to process your emotions, when you need to vent, when you just want to cry and have someone say, "I know, it's really hard sometimes." It's also great because you've got someone to share in your excitement. And someone who can make you laugh.
Service in the Peace Corps as a married couple is challenging because:
1. Your best friend is with you. ALL OF THE TIME. Pete and I are lucky lucky lucky because we like each other. I mean, we love each other, too. But we also really like each other. Which is extra nice when you spend 24 hours together every single day. Sometimes, one of us would say to the other: "Listen, I'm going to go visit Fatima, but I'll go alone so you can have some recharge time." We had to be intentional about carving out a little private time as we are both introverts and like to be alone in our thoughts from time to time. Frankly, our year in Morocco feels like it should count for 5 years of marriage.
2. You have a built in support system. There are days in the Peace Corps when you don't really feel like leaving the house. Sometimes it's important to make yourself get out of the house on those days. Not always--- being gentle with yourself is important, too. But sometimes. And when you have a partner, at times it can make you less brave, less willing to push yourself. In addition, this means that you might not reach out as much to fellow volunteers. Those folks can be a great support system and great friends, and we are bummed that we didn't invest more in friendships with some of the awesome volunteers we served with.
3. There is always someone around you who speaks English. Which meant, for me, that I was a little less motivated to practice Darija. Since my husband was around to communicate with and to depend on if I was having trouble conversing in public, I was less motivated to study.
See what I just did there? Turned the tables! Fooled you! Made you look at things from both perspectives!
No, but really. There are a few other things worth mentioning that don't have such an easy counterpoint:
In Morocco, being a woman is hard. Being a man is hard, too, just in different ways. Many other volunteers have blogged about what a challenge sexual harassment is for female volunteers. It exists, it is a huge problem, and it did affect our decision to return. When I was walking around with Pete, the harassment was usually not a problem. I wish it wasn't that way. It's unfair, unjust, and heart-breaking. But it is what it is.
Your Peace Corps living allowance goes a little further. Since we both received a small monthly stipend but had just one rent to pay, we were not as stressed as some of our single volunteer friends about money. This made it a little easier for us to travel around Morocco, enjoy a nice meal in Marrakech, or treat our friends to snacks. Also, we had two medical kits. This translates into a near endless, much-needed supply of Pepto Bismol. Not being stressed about money (or upset stomach pills) is a huge gift.
You have someone to make memories with, and that person goes home with you at the end of the adventure. Already since we've been home, I've recognized how hard it is to explain just how profound this past year was, especially in short conversations. Luckily, my husband and I can sit on the couch and talk about how delicious msmsen is and laugh about how infrequently we took baths and cry about how much we miss our friends and hiking in the Atlas Mountains. Together. This, for me, is the #1 reason to serve in the Peace Corps with your best friend.*
* And the #2 reason? Having a secret language once you get back home.
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| Adventure-bound! |
Service in the Peace Corps as a married couple is amazing because:
1. Your best friend is with you. Here you are, in a new country where everything is foreign and strange and exciting, and you get to have your very favorite person in the whole world there by your side. And even though we couldn't hold hands in public, it was nice to know that I had a hand to hold.
2. You have a built in support system. There are days in the Peace Corps when you don't really feel like leaving the house. It's nice when you have a partner who can run out and fetch milk. There are days when communicating with your host mom is more difficult than usual, and it's a gift to have a partner who can step in and try to help you say what you need to say. Those days when diarrhea is never-ending? Many thanks for a partner who can make homemade applesauce, per the BRAT diet.
3. There is always someone around you who speaks English. This is incredibly helpful when you are trying to process your emotions, when you need to vent, when you just want to cry and have someone say, "I know, it's really hard sometimes." It's also great because you've got someone to share in your excitement. And someone who can make you laugh.
Service in the Peace Corps as a married couple is challenging because:
1. Your best friend is with you. ALL OF THE TIME. Pete and I are lucky lucky lucky because we like each other. I mean, we love each other, too. But we also really like each other. Which is extra nice when you spend 24 hours together every single day. Sometimes, one of us would say to the other: "Listen, I'm going to go visit Fatima, but I'll go alone so you can have some recharge time." We had to be intentional about carving out a little private time as we are both introverts and like to be alone in our thoughts from time to time. Frankly, our year in Morocco feels like it should count for 5 years of marriage.
2. You have a built in support system. There are days in the Peace Corps when you don't really feel like leaving the house. Sometimes it's important to make yourself get out of the house on those days. Not always--- being gentle with yourself is important, too. But sometimes. And when you have a partner, at times it can make you less brave, less willing to push yourself. In addition, this means that you might not reach out as much to fellow volunteers. Those folks can be a great support system and great friends, and we are bummed that we didn't invest more in friendships with some of the awesome volunteers we served with.
3. There is always someone around you who speaks English. Which meant, for me, that I was a little less motivated to practice Darija. Since my husband was around to communicate with and to depend on if I was having trouble conversing in public, I was less motivated to study.
See what I just did there? Turned the tables! Fooled you! Made you look at things from both perspectives!
No, but really. There are a few other things worth mentioning that don't have such an easy counterpoint:
In Morocco, being a woman is hard. Being a man is hard, too, just in different ways. Many other volunteers have blogged about what a challenge sexual harassment is for female volunteers. It exists, it is a huge problem, and it did affect our decision to return. When I was walking around with Pete, the harassment was usually not a problem. I wish it wasn't that way. It's unfair, unjust, and heart-breaking. But it is what it is.
Your Peace Corps living allowance goes a little further. Since we both received a small monthly stipend but had just one rent to pay, we were not as stressed as some of our single volunteer friends about money. This made it a little easier for us to travel around Morocco, enjoy a nice meal in Marrakech, or treat our friends to snacks. Also, we had two medical kits. This translates into a near endless, much-needed supply of Pepto Bismol. Not being stressed about money (or upset stomach pills) is a huge gift.
You have someone to make memories with, and that person goes home with you at the end of the adventure. Already since we've been home, I've recognized how hard it is to explain just how profound this past year was, especially in short conversations. Luckily, my husband and I can sit on the couch and talk about how delicious msmsen is and laugh about how infrequently we took baths and cry about how much we miss our friends and hiking in the Atlas Mountains. Together. This, for me, is the #1 reason to serve in the Peace Corps with your best friend.*
* And the #2 reason? Having a secret language once you get back home.
I'm glad you talked a little about the harassment you endured while you were there, I know it was hard to talk about. And I'm so glad you and Pete have each other to share those memories with!
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